September Weekend is traditionally the end of the tourist season in Millport. There are fireworks, events including the exciting “Best Decorated Bike” , and best of all, the windows of many shops and houses are decorated with home made displays, sometimes loosely round the theme of “Millport Holdays” ,sometimes something that is dear to the household’s heart.
Mhairi and I had fully intended to be in Millport and constructing our own window display by just after lunch. However the heady delights of Topshop, Gap, and the massive queue in Primark – all conspired to make our departure from Glasgow closer to teatime. I’m blaming Mhairi. She’ s all about the shopping that girl…
On arriving in Largs we realised that we had no candles to light the window, so we bought four from Yankee Candles at great expense, just before the shop closed. Then we jumped onto the ferry, which was quite busy, and arrived at Crawford St at about six. What to do for the window? we pondered. With typical and admirable quick thinking, Mhairi seized my collection of tiny china cats and mounted them on a pile of books, gathered round the tiny fireplace I had brought from home. On opening the candles we were mystified to see that none of them had any wicks. They were in fact, described on the label as “wax tartlets” and if any sod knows what you’re suppposed to do with the flaming things, I would be interested to know. Wax tartlets???
Then we had something to eat, namely pizza, brought by Chris as he rushed from Glasgow to Millport to set up the lighting for not one but two venues…
We had a little drink to keep out the cold. Then we meandered along the front, looking at people’s windows, and waiting for the fireworks to start. After a few moments Mhairi made an observation. Our window, she announced, was crap. Other folk had clearly spent hours arranging objects, getting the lighting exactly right, and composing poems. Yes, you heard me..poems.
Our favourites were as follows- the Ritz Cafe had modelled itself on a wartime theme, complete with Vera Lynn outfits and a swing band. Fantastic.
“Miscellany” had done a Ann Winters(instead of Ann Summers) theme, complete with giant bloomers and real live model in the window.
The Newton Bar apparently had pipers on the roof, but by the time we got that far along, after the excellent firework display, it had got quite wet and slippy and they were just climbing down. We got a lovely view of them…
But the one we liked the best was private house that had made itself into a Post Office, complete with giant postcards, supposed to be from various celebrities..very amusing!
We’d hoped to join in the Open Day on Little Cumbrae on Sunday. There were supposed to be regular boat convoys taking interested parties, plus of course the devotees of Swami Ramdev, over to the island, and I was really excited at the thought of visiting for the first time.Unfortunately, there was an air of chaos on the pier as we strolled down. Large groups of frustrated and exhausted visitors had been waiting since 6am to get a boat over, to no avail.The police were in attendance, trying to move people onto buses and out of the area, as it was clear that there were simply not enough boats available. The S1 community website today is full of stories of elderly, chilly people trying to board a small “rib” boat in choppy waters, and the Fire Brigade had to assist in getting people back to the pier.
Disappointed but not really surprised- the arrangements for the Open Day had always seemed a bit vague and ill thought out- we went for lunch in the Garrison and then for a brisk walk. I am a great believer in a brisk walk to negate the effects of several fish suppers, pizza, full fat lattes etc. Alas my stomach has not heard of these benefits, and continues to spread out towards my knees at an alarming rate.
In the chip shop that night- I just can’t think why I’m not losing any weight- I met an Indian lady who had managed to get over to Wee Cumbrae. She announced that the event was poorly organised, and the Wee Cumbrae side was even more chaotic than the Millport side. Sensibly( to my mind) she obviously took the Swami Ramdev rule of “eat only what has fallen to the ground” with a large pinch of salt and was ordering up two portions of chips and curry sauce to fortify her on the long road home to Derby. I hope she made it OK.
And so the weekend was over. Millport can breathe a quiet sigh of relief as the winter ferry timetable comes into force, the holiday makers depart, and the local population shrinks back comfortably to it’s habitual 1500 residents. Cafes close their doors, summer takings are counted, and this landlady looks back over a successful season.
Roll on next summer….
Best Decorated Bike. What a picture that brings to mind. Obviously the most popular lady in town…
Yes, but it wasnae me in case that’s what you were thinking about!! Ah, Millport-they know how to make their own entertainment on Cumbrae…
The very idea your landladyship! Best-dressed maybe…but otherwise a fine upstandin’ member of the community.
What is there that has ‘only fallen on the ground’ to eat on Cumbrae??? Hauf-chewed chips? Or worse *shudder* Hughie…
Well even less in wee Cumbrae, I would have thought.
There’s not a bloomin’ tree on the island.. and certainly no chip shop or pubs so no ..er.. half digested victuals!! Maybe it’s OK if you get a seagull and throw it fairly hard on the ground and then roast it with a bit of balsamic vinegar etc…?
What a picture! Me’n'Marmers quite like the idea of bashing seagulls on the ground (like doing the washing on river rocks) and then eating the buggers. Those herring gulls are just big bullies. And as for blackbacks, don’t speak to me about blackbacks
Why Fc, have you had a traumatic experience with a blackback? Or a blackboard? or maybe blackjack??
Tell me more…
I seem to have discovered how to become KC not FC everywhere now. It’s not bloody rocket science. I just change the stuff in the signing-in box. Duh!
Pull up a pouffé landlady dear and I’ll tell you a tail…
Once upon a time, I was minding my own business in field-of-the-burn, up in my homeland far far away, when two ruddy great blackback gulls dive-bombed me repeatedly. So terrified was I of their nasty big stabby beaks and their cold evil eyes, I lost the heid completely and ran like f**k…across the busy road in front of a four-wheeled thunder-that-roars. Fpu watched impotently (thank goodness it was her not him) as I nearly met my end {as it were} but luckily for me, the driver braked and I survived. So dinnae spik tae me aboot blackbacks
Is it just us in here?
Part of the captha code is pap…is it trying to tell me something?
you poor soul! I should imagine fpu required therapy for many long ,expensive, weeks too! I’m glad you’re KC in my word cupboard now but it does seem a wee bit quiet in here doesn’t it? Perhaps you could comment as a variety of felines to make it look as if more people read this drivel??
Maybe I should invite Mr Croft over for a dry sherry and a wee sit doon on the pouffe?
That should be fun! I’ll bring the bottle of Aqvavit kindly donated by Cap’n P. If you could get Mr Croft to bring a length of tweed, we could pee on it and sing waulking songs…at least, I think that’s how it’s done…
I am all excited- Cap’n P and I are having a meeting next week. He is bringing his crew of lusty sailors onto Millport for a night of sea shantys, splicing the mainbrace and getting so drunk we are unable to walk. Big Man is refereeing the inevitable fisticuffs fights that are sure to break out between his unruly men, and also to ensure a glass of water is placed by my bed….
Sounds a lot more fun than a night with Mr Croft…. although…..
…although…he is a MUCH YOUNGER MAN and might please a cougar? I hope he’s not reading this
or do I? 
Don’t get so rat-a**ed that you can’t remember what happens landlady. We demand a Blog, unexpurgated and detailed. (Unexpurgation sounds all too like what may happen the Morning After…)
Good to hear that Big Man will be there to guard your honour and plonk your Tommee Tippee unspillable water mug by the bedside
Oh I’m 100% sure Mr Croft is far too busy with important business to read my middle aged witterings. Why the man is single handedly saving Harris Tweed, The Windfarm business, and The Gaelic Language!!And protecting The Scottish Islands from The Evils Of The Landladies!!
He must enjoy a night off every so often though. I wonder if he watches Eastenders and does a jigsaw for relaxation.
I promise I will be as sober as a judge, and you will get the full story of my Barney assignation. I will even take photies..
You two are brilliant!!
I’m sitting here in the internet cafe in a dreich,cuald(at last tsunami alerts have been lifted)day and I’m in hysterics laughing at the above ! laughing aloud so much,tears are pouring down my face—and there is silence!! everybody is looking and listening as i laugh!keep it up girls: 
Oh well I’m glad we have made your day, Carol, watch out they don’t throw you out of the cafe for unsuitable behaviour!!
GIRLS??? *grrrrrrrrrrrrrraaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrr* I’ll girls ye so I wull
Is the weather in any way puttin’ you off, taddoe?
Hey jen,don’t worry i’m not doing a tws(or not yet at least: KC
I can see you haven’t quite got Tws’ way with brackets. It takes years {and years} of [almost continuous] purractice I believe! But much less time and effort to get flang oot of various establishments
(nope,not yet)weather has been nice for TWO whole days
going to be out and about taking photos in order to do new blog,so watch out!!
This feline would just like to say she’s passed this way and read your saga.
why thank you all you commenters, feline and ..er..unfeline?! It’s not been a good weekend. First of all ,Cap’n Pugwash and I were unable to keep to our assignation in Millport- he had to do exercises. Bums, Tums and Thighs, Barney, we wonder? He hoped we could bring our meeting forward, but alas ,I was not arriving in Millport till last ferry on Sunday, due to getting a washing machine picked up. So I only had a quick chat on the phone with him in my lunch hour on Sat. He did sound twinkly, tho’, you’re right, KC.
Then I heard that the cat next door, the adorable Homer, had eaten something he shouldn’t have (so the vet thinks) and sadly died. We will all miss him lots….
Then I broke a plant pot that my dad had made, sentimental value etc, and that upset me too.
Then Big Man and I had a wee domestic, just to round off a blooming perfect couple of days.
Not my best weekend.
And here was me thinking our weekend had been somewhat fraught. What with shipping male staff up to Oban for the Mod, lots of shopping had to be done beforehand, treats brought in for those of us left behind. Cases to check…. Female staff having an allergic reaction to antibiotics (she looks as if she’s got second degree burns all over and was scratching fit to win the Serious Flea Infestation Event)…. Apart from that it’s peaceful and I don’t get chucked out of the bedroom at night *purr*
Oh poor female staff, Mia! Hope she doesn’t disturb you with all that demented scritching.. . after all a kitty has a right to a peaceful night’s sleep…
RIGHT !!! I’m totally convinced we wre all a bunch of nutters!!
you will all be grabbing your “tena’s 
You think you’ve got problems?? wait till i post a new blog
oooh, hurry up Carol- tell all!!!
Well I am pure dischuffed for you landlady one way and another. That you have missed being twinkled at by Cap’n P is by far the worst thing, tho’ a Wee Domestos with the Big Man doesn’t sound like a Big Night In either. May this weekend bring you Comfort&Joy. Whoever they are…
)
My Tenas are drying on the radiator as we speak Carol…don’t keep us in sussies (you’ll only get poor Barney and the rest of Cassie’s Softporn Fanclub in a lather
damn computer is still being repaired so can’t download photos to do the blog i wanted to do,so done a silly one instead.ha,ha.ha.
Not a good week-end for your Co-respondent either, LL. We got hitched to a malevolent judge of performance who tried to put the yacht on the Millport rocks at 0200 hours Sunday morning. He and we did not see eye to eye, tho’ some of us might liked to have scratched his out, if that sort of behaviour was normal amongst the stronger sex. And all this crap about twinkling … I thought only poofs (can one say that and be PC these days?) twinkled. Old salts shiver if the occasion is earth-shaking enough.
Barney!!!
No!!! You can’t say poofs!!! unless it’s the type you pull up and sit on to be told a story by KC.And it was KC’s fpu that asserted that you were a twinkly sort of fellow. Don’t ruin my image of you… 